How to be a Great Dad – 12 Awesome Tips

from: https://zenhabits.net/how-to-be-a-great-dad-12-awesome-tips/

put their interests first, always.
protect them, life insurance.
spend your spare time with them.
give them hugs
play with them
do the "mom" stuff
read to them
stand by mom
teach them self-esteem
teach them about finances
be good to yourself
be good to mom

I’m often asked about raising six kids, and being productive and achieving goals and changing habits in the midst of raising so many kids. But here’s the thing: I do all the other stuff, the productivity stuff, because of my kids.They, and my wife, are my reason for being.

It is my lifelong goal to be the best dad possible, and while there are many ways I can still improve, I think I’m a pretty great dad already, when I sit back and think about it. I know there are some readers who are just starting out in their careers as dads, and this post is for you.

How can you be a great dad? As always, my list of tips:

  1. Put their interests first, always. Do you enjoy drinking or smoking? Guess what — it’s not good for them, and you’re setting an example with everything you do. I quit smoking about 18 months ago not for my sake, but for my kids. Now, it is still important to take care of yourself (otherwise you can’t take care of them), but you should still have them in mind.
  2. Protect them. As a dad, one of your main roles is protector. There are many ways you need to do this. Safety is one: child-proof your home, teach them good safety habits, set a good example by using your seatbelt, make sure they use a car seat if below a certain age & weight, etc. But financial protection is also important: have life insurance, car insurance, an emergency fund, a will.
  3. Spend your spare time with them. When we get home from work, often we’re tired and just want to relax. But this is the only time we have with them during the weekdays, often, and you shouldn’t waste it. Take this time to find out about their day, lay on the couch with them. On weekends, devote as much time as possible to them. While work may be your passion, it won’t be long before they’re grown and no longer want to spend time with you. Take advantage of these years. The thing kids want most from their dads is their time.
  4. Give them hugs. Dads shouldn’t be afraid to show affection. Kids need physical contact, and not just from their moms. Snuggle with them, hug them, love them.
  5. Play with them. Go outside and play sports. Do a treasure hunt. Have a pillow fight. Play Transformers or Pokemon with them. Don’t just watch TV. Show them how to have fun. See 100 Ways to Have Fun with Your Kids for Free or Cheap.
  6. Do the “mom” stuff. Things that are traditionally considered “mom” duties are not just for moms anymore — changing diapers, feeding, bathing, rocking them to sleep in the middle of the night. Dads should help out as much as they can, sharing these types of duties equally if possible. And in fact, if you’re a dad of a baby, this is the perfect time to bond with your child. You should leap at the chance to do these things, because that’s how you start a life-long close relationship with your child.
  7. Read to them. This is one of the most important things you can do for your child. First of all, it’s so much fun. Kids books are really cool, and it’s great when you can share something this wonderful with your child. Second, you are teaching them one of the most fundamentally important skills (reading) that will pay off dividends for life. And third, you are spending time with them, you’re sitting or lying close together, and you are enjoying each other’s company. See the Best All-Time Children’s Books.
  8. Stand by mom. Don’t contradict their mother in front of them, don’t fight with her in front of them, and most definitely don’t ever abuse her. How you treat their mother affects their self-esteem, and the way they will treat themselves and women when they grow up. Be kind and respectful and loving of their mother. And always work as a team — never contradicting statements of the other.
  9. Teach them self-esteem. Maybe this should be No. 1. Well, these aren’t in any order, but this is one of the most important points. There is nothing you can do that is better than giving them high self-esteem. How do you do this? A million ways, but mainly by showing them (not telling them) that you value them, by spending time with them, by talking and listening to them, by praising things they do, by teaching them (not telling them) how to be competent. Praise and encourage, don’t reprimand and discourage.
  10. Teach them about finances. This is a point often missed in articles about dadhood. You might not need to teach your 1-year-old about index funds or portfolio diversity, but from an early age, you can teach them the value of money, how to save money to reach a goal, and later, how earn money and how to manage money properly. You don’t want your child to go into the world knowing as little as you did, do you?
  11. Be good to yourself. You shouldn’t give up your entire life when you become a dad. You need to take care of yourself, give yourself some alone time, and some time with your buddies, in order to be a great dad when you’re with your kids. Also take care of your health — eat healthy, exercise — because 1) you can’t take care of your kids if you’re sickly, 2) you are teaching your kids how to be healthy for life, and 3) you want to enjoy those grandkids someday.
  12. Be good to the mom. This isn’t the same as No. 8 — you should be good to their mom even when they’re not looking. Take her to dinner, give her a massage, do chores around the house for her, give her some time alone and babysit while she goes out, show affection to her, give her little surprises. Because when mom’s happy, the kids are happy. And dad will be happy too!

消逝的鱼塘

2018年5月5日 上

消逝的鱼塘

捞鱼、在河道游泳是我童年时期重要的娱乐活动,第一次钓鱼是在大学,和金明洁学长、小康学弟一起去西安外国语学院南边的两个超大水塘。就在十多年后,一次偶然的农家乐垂钓勾起了我对钓鱼的兴趣,回想起小时候捞鱼和长大后唯一一次钓鱼给自己带来的欣喜,于是我买了鱼竿,下载了好几个钓鱼APP查看周边的野钓信息,学习装备购置和钓鱼技巧。

在等待鱼竿的时候我想寻找那个大学钓鱼的大水塘,可是我知道那边区域很大、四周都是树木包围,很难人肉过去探索,在网上也没有找到相关的信息。于是乎我想起了前段时间,一个印度电影《雄狮——漫漫回家路》,男主幼年在火车站走
丢,长大后通过Google地图、凭借碎片记忆找到了自己的家乡、丢失的火车站,最终找到了自己的家乡和亲人。

于是乎我在地图下手,没有找到,外院南边隔一条路好像变成了居住区,靠南也是新开发的楼盘,难道鱼塘消失了?由于西安南边秦岭附近的军工企业较多,部分地区里是不能放大查看的,就在缩小的一瞬间,我看到再往南一条路,南横线北边有两片超大的水域。那一刻我仿佛《雄狮》男主找到自己的故乡一样高兴和感动。

可是就在我5号当前实际探访的时候,才发现那里刚刚被土建填埋,后期开发楼盘。在边角还看到了几个很小的尾塘,岸边还有钓鱼的饲料、鱼线痕迹。看着高高堆起的土山、即将彻底消失的水塘,有一种凄凉、又有一种感恩。凄凉的是人类为了自身利益,利用无情的机械对大自然的破坏;感恩的是上苍让我十几年后,又能看到曾经给我带来欢乐的鱼塘,而它马上就要彻底消逝。但是东边的大树林还是完好无损,让我确定曾经就是在那个地点钓的鱼。

记得那次大学那次钓鱼,我们是蹬着自行车一路过来,中间还在外院大门口碰到了我的高中同学马蓓蕾,下车(从自行车后座)打了个招呼。鱼竿节数很多,收缩起来非常短,用的是单钩,开始用的鱼饵不给力,半天不上鱼,后来到树林里抛了好多蚯蚓,很快就开始有效果了。还记得明洁抱怨为什么抛蚯蚓的总是他一个人,大家都抢着抛竿、提竿。频繁的上口,虽然钓上来的鱼并不大,但是收获的喜悦让小伙伴们很亢奋。我们一直钓到了下午,总共掉了好像16条。然后又骑车到西电南校区对面的村子,小康找了一个熟悉的新疆烧烤店。让隔壁漂亮的、开旅店的阿姨帮我们把鱼收拾干净,不得不佩服小康的社交能力。在烧烤店等了好久,来了一位只会说维语的小伙子帮我们烤鱼,还点了一些别的烤肉和菜。虽然我没听懂这小伙说的一个字,也不确定他有没有听懂我们说的任何一个字,神奇的是居然帮我们把鱼烤好了,而且在吃饭过程中我们和小伙子还聊的很嗨,但又不是尴聊。

由于土建堆积了大量的垃圾,所剩无几的鱼塘虽然可能有很多鱼,但还是已经没有了钓鱼的心情。于是直接超秦渡河桥北出发。

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